Renegotiations Have Broken Down
by InfiniteSeahorse
Summary: Link isn't sure if he wants Ravio out of his house or not. Ravio's got an idea to keep himself in Mr. Hero's good graces.
1. Chapter 1

Ravio sighed, resolution firming his voice. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hero. I can't lower my prices, and I can't give you back any of the rupees you've spent already." Lifting his head, he continued in a chipper tone, "It's all going to a very good cause, I assure you.

"I may not have much, but I can repay you in my own way, I promise! Give me a little time to think about it, say by the next time you come home-"

"So you do remember this is my home?!" Link shot back.

"Of course, buddy," he soothed, patting the air in front of him. "Nothing could be clearer in my mind than the boundary between you, the homeowner, and me, the renter of said house. But like I was saying, when you come back from defeating the next dungeon or whatever it is you'll be doing, I'll have a new proposition for us to think about. So don't worry about it, Mr. Hero."

"Whether I'm worrying about it or not doesn't change the fact that you aren't actually renting from me! You're a squatter! And I can't take it anymore, so you better come up with something that convinces me not to throw you out of my house!" Link hated to say those words, and hated to see the the effect those words had on Ravio, from the ears on his hood folding over its stylized eyes, to the slump of his shoulders and the dejected way he kicked at a lump in the rug. He sincerely hoped it would not come to kicking out the merchant, uninvited though he may have been. Although he would never confess to it, he had gotten used to having a roommate and actually enjoyed having Ravio around, at least some of the time. It was just that this arrangement wasn't working anymore, and he didn't know how to fix it.

Later on, after Link had taken his leave, assuring him he'd be back inside a week, Ravio paced around the house, racking his brain for ideas to submit to his landlord and sometime friend. "Well," he muttered, "I thought we were friends, but clearly Link sees this as just a business relationship. One that I am not holding up on my end, apparently." Sheerow tweeted sympathetically from his perch on top of a shelf. "I know! And after all the great weapons I've sold him! He couldn't get through a single dungeon without me!" He looked around at all the makeshift displays filling the room, empty save for the sold out signs strewn about on the tabletops, and the two lone and most expensive items, ice and fire rods, glittering at opposite ends of the room. "Well, I guess it's hard to justify being a merchant if I don't have any merchandise...maybe I can rearrange the sales floor a little." He pushed up his sleeves and got to work, Sheerow looping about his head in enthusiastic circles.

* * *

Link jumped down from Irene's broom with an almighty crash, his shield knocking into his sword, which then clocked him in the back of the head. He might be the chosen hero, but he'd never be a graceful one. The witch's broom zoomed away, ghostly laughter trailing in its wake. Link frowned as he rubbed the back of his head. He made no move to enter the house. Maybe he should come back when he had the Triforce of Courage. Walking into his own damn house ought to be simple. And yet, here he was, hand hovering over the doorknob, butterflies in his stomach, anticipating the talk he was going to have with that freeloading, bunny-hooded, charming, honey-voiced...well, that was the problem. He never knew where he stood when he was around Ravio. He'd start out annoyed or fed up, then after a little back-and-forth he'd be agreeing with whatever the merchant said. He'd lost his house and the vast majority of his rupees to him, he was tired of being on the losing end of the deal, and it was his own damn fault. Why was he so easily manipulated? Whatever it was that Ravio had schemed up this time, Link would just have to refuse. Stick to his principles. Simple as that.

Ravio had to have heard the commotion from his place inside the house, but he made no mention of it when Link finally opened the door. "Hey Ravio, I know what you're going to say, so let me assure you I'm not going to try out for the Royal Hyrule Ballet anytime soon -" He realized, once his eyes adjusted to the dim interior light, that Ravio had a very good reason for not making a remark like usual. He was perched on top of a table, which had been moved against the wall. The other pieces of furniture had been put back in their old places, the places Link had them in before he had acquired the world's most frustrating roommate.

His eyes flitted around the house, increasingly amazed at the changes, or rather the return to normalcy, he saw. He stepped forward and stuttered, "T-this is amazing!" There was his bed! There were chairs gathered around the kitchen table! There was a kitchen table! With dishes and a floral centerpiece on it! The air didn't have that faint tang of musty feathers and bird droppings! His rug was back on the floor! Link's eyes grew wide as he took it all in, and wider yet as he took a second look at the man in the corner.

A few stray beams of light filtered past the tightly drawn curtains of the window above the table. They illuminated the magic rods placed on either end of the table, making a sparkling tableau with Ravio sitting cross-legged in the center.

"Welcome back, Mr. Hero!" He had heard these words spoken to him nearly every time he stepped through the door, but never with that note of longing in it before, and his heart jumped to hear it. His familiar hood remained in its usual place, preventing Link from seeing his face, but there was nothing usual about the rest of his outfit. Or rather, his lack of an outfit. Instead of wearing a robe, and scarf, and belt, and boots, he had slung a "For Rent" sign around his neck.


	2. Chapter 2

"What are you- what in the name of the Seven Sages is going on?" Link felt paralyzed, his elation at having his house back curdling into confusion as he stared at the man on the table.

"I didn't think I had to explain," Ravio said with a smile in his voice. "Did you fall head first from that broom? This is my new, improved business plan. As long as I have something to sell, I'll sell it. And that now includes me." He threw his arms wide.

All thoughts of compromise and refusal flew from Link's mind as he stared uncomprehendingly at the sign resting against that naked torso. "For rent. For rent? Fooooor Rrrrrent. Forrent." He pointed at the sign. "You. Are renting. Yourself?"

"I knew you would get it eventually! Although I should have made a new sign. My services are actually free of charge!"

"Services?" Link repeated, straining to see the details of Ravio's body in the dark.

Ravio spoke with the air of someone who was used to conversing with young children or the hard of hearing. "Yes, services. My supply of magical items is running out, and it's not likely I will come across any more, so I'm changing to a service-oriented paradigm. My time is now your time, for the low, low price of free!" He spat out _free_ like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "I was going to include Sheerow too, he's great at fetching things and pecking monsters, but he refused."

A burst of indignant tweeting issued from a dark corner where Sheerow had made his nest. "He also says he's got a full time job already. Being on-call all day and night waiting for you to fall in battle is enough work for one bird." He shrugged and turned back toward Link. "So, ready to try me out?"

Link scratched the back of his head and opened his mouth. Nothing came out, so he closed his mouth and tried again. "What exactly are these services?"

Ravio leaned back against the wall and stretched his arms above his head. "Well, I guess it depends on your imagination. What do you need to get done, or don't want to do yourself?" He gestured extravagantly at the newly neatened house. "You can see my cleaning skills speak for themselves."

Link felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over his head. "If your cleaning skills spoke up earlier, we wouldn't be having to renegotiate your living arrangements!"

Ravio flinched. "Ouch, buddy. Sometimes the truth hurts, ya know? But now I realize I haven't been pulling my weight. And I'm serious about making it up to you. In any way I can." The ears on his hood waggled suggestively, and he hopped down from the table. In a few quick strides, he was toe-to-toe with Link. "So, got any ideas yet? I'm eager to begin!"

Link gave the over-enthusiastic bunny boy a thorough look from top to bottom. They were nearly the same height, though it was hard to tell with that hood and those ears taking up so much space. His gaze strayed lower, noting the pale hue of his skin and the slim build of his body. He blew out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Oh thank the goddesses, you're wearing underwear!"

"Of course I am! I wouldn't dream of subjecting my delicate backside to the rough grain of that table!"

"You sleep on the floor." Link pointed out.

"Yeah, fully clothed, on a rug. There's a difference!"

"So, uh, why are your clothes off now?" Link hoped he sounded casual, but his hopes weren't high.

"Aha! So you have noticed!" He twirled in place, and Link couldn't help following the motion with his eyes. "I want to make sure you are aware of all your options. I've seen the way you look at me. I can take a hint!"

"I wasn't aware you could see anything underneath that hood of yours." He placed his hands over the bunny hood's embroidered eyes and made a few funny faces, trying to elicit a laugh. There was a war raging in the back of his mind. One side was sure Ravio was tricking him, teasing him for all the not-so-subtle glances and touches he'd been giving him lately; the other side was equally certain that Ravio was sincere and that this was just his typically over-the-top way of affirming Link's interest. He ignored the voices whispering in his ears and instead asked, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Just one, but I don't think that's actually a finger…" Ravio jumped out of arm's reach just as Link made a swipe at his head. "Hey, if you can catch me, I'll...I'll give you...a discount!" He laughed, beginning to run around the perimeter of the rug.

"What?" Link hollered. "That doesn't even make sense! You already said the magic word: free!" He took up the chase; concentrating perhaps a tad too much on the way the merchant's muscles flexed as he darted across the house.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. How about this: I will do something for you I normally wouldn't do," he said as he vaulted over the kitchen table.

"Great! I actually have an idea!" Link answered as he took up the chase.

"What is it?" Ravio dashed to the front of the house.

"I'll tell you when I catch you!" Link ran past the ice rod and got another idea. He backtracked to snatch it up then froze at Ravio's shout.

"Nuh uh- those are for paying customers only! You try, you buy!"

"How did you get so fast?" Link stopped to watch Ravio bounce off the end of the bed and end up in the far corner. "There's only one room in this house; there's nowhere to go and there's nowhere to hide!"

Ravio's usual joking tone was absent when he answered, "I had a lot of practice back at home when I was younger... Slow kids disappeared."

Suddenly Link saw his opportunity. Slipping on his pegasus boots while Ravio was talking and distracted, he ran full speed at his quarry and tackled him before he could jump out of the way again. He wrestled Ravio onto the bed and straddled him so he couldn't escape. He reached for the hood and announced, "Now it's time for my reward-" He was stopped by a peal of laughter. "What's so funny?"

"You." Ravio gasped out between fits of giggles. "You sound so dumb! Sorry, I just can't take you seriously when you talk like that. 'My reward'! Psshhh. Next you're gonna tell me you're gonna unwrap me like a candy." Link's face fell when he heard the edge of derision in Ravio's voice.

"Not everyone's a wordsmith, bunny boy." He poked him in the chest for emphasis. "If you don't approve of the way I speak, maybe I just won't talk at all!"

"Fine with me!"

"That means I'm not going to tell you what I'm planning to do with you..." he teased.

"Oooh, how mysterious! I love surprises!" He fell silent, reflecting on the situation. Ravio had simply assumed that Link was interested in him. It wasn't like he ever said anything to confirm or deny his hopes, he just gave him the occasional look with those inscrutable blue eyes, those eyes that transfixed him and made him want to lower his prices and his pants. What if it was all a ruse and that 'dumb' comment he made was the thing that pushed him over the edge? Link had a whole arsenal of magical weapons to torture him with if he so chose. Did Mr. Hero have a sadistic side? Was Ravio going to pay his price in blood? He wasn't in the mood to find out.

"Wait, I lied, I know I said I'd do whatever you want, but don't surprise me please, I'm actually not a big fan of surprises, my heart can't take the strain..." He wiggled furiously, trying to make some purchase on the bedcovers, but Link had him securely pinned down. "Don't make it hurt too bad, remember, I'm delicate!"

"Hey, hey, hey, it's ok," Link said, running soothing hands up and down his arms. "I'm not gonna...I wouldn't...all I want to do...is this..." He leaned down and lifted the bottom of the bunny hood, just enough to expose Ravio's trembling lips. "Don't forget, this was your idea in the first place."


	3. Chapter 3

"No no no, Mr. Hero, don't take it off! " Ravio clutched his hands tightly to his hood and jammed it back down over his face.

"But you said-" Link protested, struggling against his iron grip,"you'd let me-"

"I'm a coward and a liar! I'm sorry, but I can't let you see my face!" He tried to curl up into a ball despite being sandwiched between the bed and the hero.

"Go ahead and torture me, beat me with your boomerang or whatever, do anything else you want but don't remove my hood!" He was gasping now, close to tears.

"Where did you get such an idea, Ravio?" Link sat upright and let go of Ravio's wrists. "I don't want to torture you, and I don't see why it's so bad that I see your face. Is it cursed?" His voice grew low and mysterious, like the fortune teller near Kakariko Village he had visited once. With dramatic hand gestures and the corners of his mouth curling into a smile, he intoned, "If I gaze upon your accursed visage will I be doomed to wear that ridiculous hood forevermore? Must I lurk in the shadows, never to step foot outside or see the sun again?" Link thought for sure that Ravio would snap out of his escalating crisis when he heard that goofy impression, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on him. In fact, he became more distraught, shaking his head from side to side before finally bursting into tears. Link climbed off the other man entirely and scooted to the end of the bed.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry! Was it- what did I say?" Ravio wiped the tears from his eyes without uncovering his face and drew a deep breath. When no explanation came forth, Link continued, confusion clouding his face.

"You're giving me some seriously mixed signals here. One minute you're throwing yourself at me, telling me that you're mine for the taking, and the next, well, look at you, you're a mess," he said, not unkindly. Ravio sniffled, but didn't speak up.

"I was flattered by your enthusiasm, but now I have the feeling you didn't really think your plan through. We need to talk, but not until we've both calmed down."  
Silence continued unabated from the other end of the bed.

"I'm going over to the Milk Bar in Kakariko Village for a little bit. You are welcome to join me, though I suppose you'd rather stay here." Ravio rolled over, turning his back to Link and facing the wall. This silent treatment was beginning to unnerve him, but he didn't think there was anything he could do at the moment to coax some words from his uncharacteristically mute form. He stood up and walked to the door, pausing to retrieve his sword and shield from where they leaned against the wall. He glanced back at the prone figure on the bed and sighed, sadness mingling with unbecoming excitement, suddenly renewed after resting his eyes on the bunny boy's underwear-clad posterior. "I'll be back soon." Then he went outside, shutting the door on the sound of Sheerow's comforting chirps.

* * *

Link sidled up to the bar and flagged the bartender down. "One milk please, in the largest glass you've got. And extra cream on top, too." He sighed, rubbing a finger against the smooth countertop. He couldn't believe he ran away. He just up and left when Ravio was in the middle of having a freak out. It wasn't very heroic of him at all. This was the Skull Woods all over again. What a goddess-blighted creepy place, with those grasping hands that came out of the darkness...he suppressed a shudder, one hand unconsciously reaching for his sword, and the other moving to his bag to retrieve a bomb. Realizing what he was doing, he made himself grab the milk glass with both hands, and took a long swig. But he had gone back, despite his misgivings. He always finished what he started. He needed to, it was what was expected of him by no less than two princesses, and what he expected of himself. In fact, he would finish this milk, then go back home, and tell Ravio once and for all...What was he going to tell him? How could he say it to his face? They were so gloriously close to realizing his unspoken fantasy until it all went so suddenly wrong. This derailment added another layer of confusion to to an already complicated problem. Perhaps he could detour around the whole thing and just tell him that if he cleaned the house twice a week and did all the laundry he could stay. Link would ignore the nudity, and the sobbing, and above all else, his own feelings, because what good would it possibly do to bring it up again? He was not good at talking. Even the other patrons at the bar seemed to know to give him a wide berth. He looked around the crowded room, noting with some dismay that everyone else seemed to have someone to talk to. A flash of purple caught his eye-could that be him? Did he decide to come after all? No. Just some woman in a purple dress, twirling to the new song that the musicians were playing. His ears twitched as he shifted his concentration to the music. The song was a light, upbeat tune, played with gusto on a flute and a lute. He imagined a pair of bunny ears bouncing along to the beat, followed by clapping hands, swaying hips, and tapping toes. He couldn't escape it, everything here reminded him of Ravio. He slammed down the last of his milk and called for the bartender.

Link ordered a premium milk to go. If he couldn't say it with words, he could say it with expensive dairy products instead. Maybe Ravio would appreciate the gesture and forgive him, or maybe he would yell at him for buying something extravagant when he should be saving up for a fire rod instead. Either way, it was an opening. Or an offering. Or something. Hopefully.

* * *

Talk? They would have a talk when Mr. Hero came back? He knew what they'd be talking about: Ravio leaving the house as soon as was physically possible. He had failed spectacularly to persuade Link to keep him as a roommate, and he wasn't going to stick around and listen to him talk about all the additional ways he was a failure before he threw him out. It didn't take long to don his clothes and stuff the two magic rods into his rupee sack. He threw the sack over his shoulder and called to his feathered companion. "Let's go, Sheerow!" A sleepy twitter from the corner was the only reply.

"I am not running away from my problems and I am _not_ overreacting, Sheerow. I just know when I have overstayed my welcome, is all. Time to move on to greener pastures." He shifted the sack of rupees to his other shoulder. It was heavier than he thought it would be and it was beginning to weigh him down. Maybe it was time to start thinking about where he would spend the night before he started wandering off into the countryside.

Where would he go? Setting up shop in Kakariko Village was right out; he didn't want to cross paths with Mr. Hero so soon after his eviction. To the east was where he had first peddled his wares- tempting, but he thought he could find someplace better. North was the castle, reportedly swarming with possessed soldiers, and beyond that lurked a haunted forest. What was in the south? He didn't recall the adventurer telling him much of anything about the land down there. It must be more or less safe, if the Hero of Hyrule had nothing bad to say about it.


	4. Chapter 4

Somewhere in southern Hyrule, hidden from view and cornered by a mob of bloodthirsty, slavering monsters, Ravio and Sheerow had a heated yet whispered discussion.

"How dare you accuse me of not thinking this plan through! You're just like _him_ , you know that? Since when have I ever had a half-baked plan?" he hissed out of the corner of his mouth at the bird perched on his shoulder, unable to turn his head in the cramped space.

A burst of high-pitched squawking followed.

"Shhhh! Do you want us to die?" Ravio pulled his scarf tighter around his lower face. "What's that? A one-way trip to Hyrule? I had no choice! Princess Hilda will thank me when all this is over, even if she never sees me again..."

The chirping continued, this time at a much lower volume.

"No, Sheerow, don't you dare go get him, I'm perfectly fine here! I can stay hidden in this pile of boulders until they forget about me. It's not a problem!" The winged creature fluttered from his shoulder to his head to the tip of a swaying ear, tweeting softly and reassuringly until he suddenly flew away. "Fuck! Sheerow, come back here!" He made a half-hearted grab at the disappearing bird, then tucked himself more deeply into the crack before he alerted the attention of the monsters prowling nearby. "I thought you were my friend!"

* * *

Link came back to a dark and empty house. No sign was left of the business that formerly occupied the space, and no note was left to explain where Ravio had gone. He stalked out the door, resolved to find the merchant and to attempt to hold and complete a conversation with him.

He couldn't have traveled too far, Link thought as he looked around his front garden. Though he shouldn't underestimate him, he was capable of surprising amounts of speed. He searched around the yard, looking for tell-tale footprints, a dropped rupee, or some other clue that hinted in the direction he had fled, but the other man had covered his tracks too well. He was just about to head off randomly when he heard flapping wings and frantic tweeting coming down from the sky. He turned toward the noise and beamed. "Sheerow! Hey there, little guy! I think this is the first time I've been happy to see you coming for me!" The bird hovered in front of Link, a blue and white ball of nervous energy, and performed a complicated aerial dance, punctuated by tweets and squawks.

Link scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you are trying to tell me. Is this Ravio's idea of a good-bye? Did he send you to tell me not to bother finding him? I wish I could understand what you're singing about!"

Sheerow rolled his red eyes and tried again, landing on top of Link's hat after he finished. "That was a really cute dance, but I still don't get it. I'm going to try to find your friend. He skipped out on our talk and I want to set the record straight with him. Do you want to come with me, or maybe show me which way he went?" He was answered by an insistent pecking on the top of his head. "Ow! Ok, I get it now!" he shouted, stifling an urge to swat the bird off his hat. "How about you tap gently on the sides of my head to direct me. And don't poop on my hat, please."

* * *

Some time later they arrived at the spot where Ravio was hiding. The boy and the bird stopped by a tree to watch a crowd of assorted monsters milling about in a clearing near the base of a crumbling hillside. Link had never seen such a collection of horrors gathered in one place before. There was a little bit of everything, from rats and crows rustling in the bushes nearby, to soldiers and moblins strutting around in the grass, and he wondered what could have attracted them all. The one thing he didn't see, however, was the merchant. "Sheerow, where's Ravio? Are you sure this is where you left him?" The little bird took off in a high arc to evade the mob and flew to a pile of rubble that was partially covering a shallow cave in the cliff side, tweeting their arrival to the cowering man inside the hollow.

"Now I see why he never wanted to leave the house," Link muttered to himself. "Does this happen wherever he goes?" He reached for his bag while thinking about the tables full of exotic weapons that formerly filled his house, and wondered if he had purchased Ravio's personal armory.

Ravio yanked on his bunny ears and growled at his bird, "Goddesses, this is so embarrassing! I can't believe you brought him here! I don't need a hero to come save me like I'm some damsel in distress!" Sheerow tweeted a disdainful reply and nestled into a loop of his scarf. Despite his complaints, Ravio peeked over a rock to watch the inevitable ass-kicking begin.

The hero readied his bow and aimed at his first target. To begin with, he'd get rid of the little green guys bouncing around the field. They were hardly more than a distraction, but he wouldn't want to trip over one when he was fighting something larger. From the cover of some bushes, he let his arrows fly, and most hit home with deadly accuracy. Unfortunately, one of Yuga's soldiers wandered into the path of his last shot and the arrow clanged against its armor with enough force to make it stagger, grunt, and look around for the perpetrator. "Aww shit," Link yelped and ducked into the bushes, but it was too late. He had been spotted. With a roar, the evil soldier rushed over to his clump of shrubbery, attracting the attention of its fellow foes.

"Ok then, time for Plan B," Link said as he rummaged through his bag. "B for bombs!" He tossed explosive after explosive at the line of soldiers running towards him, stopping only when he felt the magic power that created them ebb and falter. "I'm so glad Ravio never tried to sell me a magic sword! I don't imagine any of these creatures would let me take a time-out to wait for my sword to come back to full strength!" Stepping into the space cleared by the bombs, he drew his sword and looked down at it with fondness. Whatever power had been cast into this blade would never fade, not with time or use or belief. A wave of courage propelled him farther into the field, making his way toward the cliff side and a new round of monsters to defeat.

Ravio's eyes followed Link's every movement as he watched the monsters get cut down one by one. He barreled into a knot of moblins, efficient and so fiercely focused that Ravio's breath caught in his throat. He'd never seen Mr. Hero in action before, only witnessing the aftermath when his adventuring didn't go so well. Link sliced through some octoroks and Ravio clapped his hands in triumph. Mr. Hero reduced some dive-bombing crows to a few stray puffs of feathers and he let out a cheer. The field was now nearly clear of monsters, and he watched Link take a moment to reorient himself. He followed his gaze to a tree that stood near the pile of boulders that was his hiding spot, and mentally approved the choice when he brought out a hook-shot to transport himself rapidly over the ground. He didn't disengage quickly enough and he slammed into the tree, hitting it hard enough to lose his balance. Giggles threatened to erupt from Ravio's mouth, momentarily overwhelming the encroaching terror that he had not been able to admit to Sheerow. True, Mr. Hero wasn't at his most heroic crumpled in a heap at the base of an oak, but he had a dogged determination that was, quite frankly, captivating. Suddenly, he felt delighted that he was valuable enough to be rescued.

Link walked slowly to the hidden cave, shaking his head to clear his mind. There was a ring of like-likes surrounding the pile of rubble, attracted by the sack of rupees the merchant had brought with him. He could see a pair of long purple ears poking over the top of a large rock, followed by an arm frantically waving back and forth. "Hey, Mr. Hero! I'm over here!" came a wavering cry. "Get rid these things fast, before they steal all my money!" He brandished his sword with a wry smile, irritated yet amused in that peculiar way whenever the merchant displayed his priorities. Turning his attention to the large, plant-like creatures in front of him, he began hacking them down one at a time, moving farther away from the cave's entrance. He was so intent on his task and certain that he had cleared the area of all other monsters that he failed to notice the reinforcements coming from out of the trees behind him.

Ravio saw soon enough. He heard a noise that was not Link's typical battle cry, and he scooted out from behind the rubble to investigate. What met his gaze shocked him and rendered him temporarily speechless. A phalanx of soldiers approached from the forest, bristling with weapons and moving with alarming speed. There was quite a bit of rock between him and his otherwise occupied savior, and once he regained his voice, his frightened yelps didn't carry very far. He knew Sheerow would be of no use until after Mr. Hero had been bludgeoned to death, so he did not try to dislodge him from his scarf and rouse him from the nap he was taking. It was up to him, now. "What would I do if I was Mr. Hero?" he thought as he scanned the area. His eyes rested on his rupee sack and he leapt to it, untying it and combing through the jewels with shaking hands before finally pulling out the ice rod. He inched out of his hiding spot and faced the beastly soldiers with a feeling he could not identify. Gripping the magical artifact firmly in his left hand, he froze the monsters with icy blasts just as they came bearing down on the two men. "Check it out! I saved you!" Ravio shouted, pointing at the clump of glittering, immobile foes. "That's gotta be worth something, right? Hey, maybe some of your courage rubbed off on me!"

Link agreed, "It's true, I can hardly believe it, but you did save me!" He looked over to where Ravio, incandescent in his triumph, was performing an impromptu victory dance with the recently awakened Sheerow. "You want me to rub off on you some more?"

He patted Mr. Hero on the shoulder. "Not until those bad guys are dead, thanks. And your witty repartee still needs some work."

"Fine! Stand back and watch this!" Link finished them off with a spin attack. "I always forget that I can do that." He sheathed his sword and grinned at Ravio as he stepped closer to him. "Now it's time to collect _your_ reward!"

Ravio groaned, but was cut off as Link quickly lifted his hood and planted a big smackeroo square on his mouth. He froze at the unexpected action, then relaxed when his hood remained in place and Mr. Hero's eyelids fluttered shut. Link pressed his lips insistently against Ravio's, willing him to feel even a fraction of the emotions coursing through his body, then shifted his head, trailing his lips up Ravio's jawline to whisper in his ear, "This is what I've wanted to do. For ages."

"Oh thank the goddesses," Ravio breathed, and returned the kiss eagerly. They moved together naturally and without conscious thought, like a figure meeting its reflection in a darkened mirror. With his arms wrapped around Link's waist and his thumbs tucked into the back of his belt, the merchant drew his head back reluctantly. "So Mr. Hero, can I stay? I mean, in your house?" he said, slightly breathlessly, hood askew yet still managing to cover most of his face.

"I never want you to leave me again," Link mumbled into the side of his neck, pushing his scarf aside to nuzzle the smooth skin there.

"You drive a hard bargain," Ravio said with a little gasp. A moment passed, as Link increased his attentions on his skin with the barest hint of teeth, "But I think I can accommodate those terms."

Link broke their embrace, stepping back and searching the bunny hood's blank face with flashing eyes, trying to make eye contact. "Let's get home, I'm starving," he said in a tone that was open to interpretation of what precisely he was hungry for, and he pulled him by the hand to begin leading him back across the field.

Stumbling along behind the excited adventurer, Ravio couldn't help blurting out, "Did I ever tell you I'm also a really good cook? I'll fix you up the best meal you've ever eaten, let's say 50 rupees a course-"

Link halted and fixed him with a death glare. "We're not home yet. I can leave you here to fend for yourself again!" He poked the sack on Ravio's back, and the merchant jumped nervously. "How long do you think it will take before something creepy comes sniffing around for your rupees?"

Ravio shrank into his scarf. "Sorry Mr. Hero. Old habits die hard, I guess. What I meant to say was," he grimaced, "free gourmet meals three times a day for my best and favorite customer!"

"Customer, eh? That's what I am to you still?" Link grumped, crossing his arms. A vision of Ravio dressed only in an apron _and_ _that_ _damn_ _rabbit_ _hood_ flitted across his mind, and he considered the pros and cons of living with that arrangement for a while.

Ravio's heart fluttered in his chest, and he twisted his hands together as he said, "I guess we do still need to have that talk, don't we?"

"Less talking, more smooching." Link pushed him up against a tree, one hand reaching to raise his hood and the other latching onto his hip. "I'm more convincing that way."


End file.
